he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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