Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
