My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
