our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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