She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
