So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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