All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
