I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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