can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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