I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
