I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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