I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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