Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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