i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
