I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
