return my video game
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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