Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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