And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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