i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
