now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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