ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
bring money and cleavage
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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