real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
