Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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