Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
