Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
