You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
