Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm like, not good at living.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
