***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
