Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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