I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
