You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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