is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
