ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
