Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
