Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
