they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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