Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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