Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
