Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
