2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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