Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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