I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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