Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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