Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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