I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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