I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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