Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
