You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
