Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
