Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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