I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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