I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
