Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
