Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
