And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just saw a hot homeless man
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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