Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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