I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
