How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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