My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
