I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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