I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
