Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.