I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.