I'm really into asian looking animals
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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