The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
