i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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