Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
