I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You are a genius and a whore.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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