she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
operation harelip BJ is a go
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
